faemused | Open To Anyone For Anything RP Post

She nods again, slowly. "Those are good reasons." Not likely to change, or to be mistaken. And matching her own opinions of him. It occurs to her that they are both unique in some ways, and that their uniqueness matches. They are both leaders to their people; that creates a bond, but also a distance, between leader and those led. For that reason as well as their shared inclinations of how to approach difficulties, they can understand each other in a way that most others will not. They are more equal than she first imagined, that day (it seems long ago, now) when he rode to her people's rescue.

But although Caranthir has called himself precipitous, Haleth is not. And moreover..."But duty does still lie between us, yours to your people and mine to mine. While I do not fear your Doom for myself, I can not risk it entangling the Haladin in its clutches." She shakes her head slowly. "I can not see a future in this. Perhaps years from now when my nephew is old enough to lead in my place, if we both still live and feel as we now do. But I cannot wed you, and you have said you cannot do less. Therefore this conversation should end here, and the subject not be brought up again."

He is quiet, and cannot hide the hurt that flashes briefly across his face before he folds it away.

"Your reasoning is sound." He says quietly. "I... understand, little though I like it. But Haleth, you also underestimate my stubborness. Your duties, at the moment, as you say rightly, weigh too heavy. But I can wait - I am quite willing to do so. And... I am... willing to wed you by my people's laws, but not by yours, if that will make things... easier."

Of course, if she has to marry someone else, that's a different story, but he doesn't think she's mentioned anything like that.

Haleth sees the hurt in his face, and is sorry to have pained him; for all that she is sure of the wisdom of her words, her own regret too is there in her eyes. There is a further flash of emotion when he says he is willing to wait--sweet, tempting, dangerous thought.

But her face suddenly hardens, and she looks away. "I will never marry." The words are rough, the determination in them adamantine. It is clear this is no sudden decision, but something long-standing. "Haldan will be my heir, for it is most unlikely I will bear children. But even if that were not so, I will not marry."

There is a moment of silence, in which she breathes a little harder than seems warranted, staring into the fire and not seeing it. Her return to herself is almost as abrupt as her sudden distraction; she closes her eyes, then shakes her head, glancing at Caranthir. "...my apologies. That harshness was not intended for you."

He bites back the instinctively lash of hurt, the need to say cruel words, tamping down his temper to consider what he saw in her face, instead.

"Forgiven. Will you tell me why?"

She shrugs a little. "Any man I married would have, or at least might seek, the leadership of the Haladin. And that I will not give."

For one of the rare times in her life, she hesitates, then continues more slowly. "That is not the whole story nor the only reason. Nor is it a thing that would apply to you, an irony I could never have foreseen when first I made my choice, years ago. But the rest of the story should wait for another night, I think. We have already given each other much to think on."

"That first you will never have to worry about with me." Caranthir feels the need to point out.

He pauses. "Very well. I will not push you for more answers, at this time. But if you ever wish to speak, I will listen." He hesitates briefly, and then bows to her, a polite tip of the head.

"But for tonight I will leave you to your rest, for I have caused much disruption already, I see."

And he needs to lick his own wounds a little, a silly as that is.

"You have caused great disruption," Haleth says quietly. "But I would not wish it undone."

For she has been changed by knowing him; already she knows this. She can be content and wholly herself in the life she will lead, must lead, in the role her people need her to fulfill.

But even if they part this instant, with no more said or done, a part of her will always look north and think on Caranthir. She cannot regret that. It is too integral a part of her now, it would be like regretting her own left arm.

Haleth sighs and rubs her forehead. "I must think. Come and speak with me again tomorrow, as we walk or in the evening when we make camp. If you wish it." They are traveling at a walking pace, for the most part, for there are not carts enough for all the Haladin, and only the Eldar have horses. The slowest, the youngest or the still injured, they are all carried; those who are hale, including Haleth herself, walk.

That is helpful to know, and something of the stiffness of his shoulders eases.

"I will see you tomorrow then." he says and slips out, to nurse his wounds where they cannot hurt anyone. He'll feel better, and be less likely to say anything stupid tomorrow.

And he does come to see her the next day, coming to walk beside her quietly.

Haleth walks alone, a little apart from the bulk of the group. When a dark shadow joins her she looks up, and once again that brief smile crosses her face. There is a warmth in it most of her people would be surprised to see. She is not even aware she does it.

They walk in silence for a minute or two more before she speaks. "My father was not born Chief," she says, not bothering with small talk first. Of course they are picking up from their conversation of last night. What need for any unnecessary preliminaries? "Our previous Chief had been brave, but foolish; he died fighting a bear when I was but a babe. My father was elected, and after he had ruled more wisely for many years, it was decided that the Haladin would henceforce have their leaders from his lineage, instead of choosing them anew. My twin brother Haldar was the heir, for he was male, and the older by ten minutes besides."

Her mouth twists with pain at the mention of that familiar argument, which he had teasingly held over her more than once. Her twin's loss is so great a grief to Haleth that she does not speak of it. Even to Caranthir she has not said a word about Haldar as of yet. Caranthir has two brothers who are twins; perhaps he will understand.

That is not germane to the point, however, and she moves quickly on, looking up at the sky. The sun falls warm on her face, and she closes her eyes for a moment, drinking it in. "A year later a young man of the village paid court to me. I was not indifferent, for he was comely and intelligent and well-spoken. I was fifteen, and curious."

She does not look at Caranthir as she says it, but there is a moment's silence that is faintly suggestive. She has already told him that courting is not the same for Men as he has said it is for the Firstborn. She and her suitor did not do so very much at the time, for all that she dislikes the memories now, but it was clearly more than any Eldar would lightly undertake. If that changes Caranthir's wishes, it is better that he know now rather than later.

(ooc: lol fair. I am trying the email trick...)

He comes to walk beside her and keeps his silence, allowing her to decide when and how she will reopen the conversation. He's not surprised that she jumps straight into it - that has been her way for as long as he's known her, and he appreciates it. He stays silent for the most part, allowing her to tell her story, but in the silence after that statement, he can feel his temper rousing.

He knows, she has told him, how courting is not the same. The Haladin are his first experience with humans proper, but he has read the missives from Finrod, and Fingon, and he can hazard guesses.

"Did he hurt you."

He doesn't bother to hide the way his fists clench in fury at the thought, although he does try not to outright snarl. It isn't Haleth he's angry at, after all.

It's the first hint of Caranthir's temper Haleth has seen. She raises an eyebrow a little, but otherwise doesn't react. "Not then, no. It was...interesting." Not unpleasant, exactly, but messy and strange. She hadn't gotten much satisfaction out of it all at the time. Whether that was a fault on her part or her lover's she has never known for sure, but she cares little either way, for truthfully that part was the least of the matter.

Haleth shrugs a little again. "No, the pain was in realizing my own foolishness, for of course I was a fool. I learned before too many weeks had passed that his goal was to win his own way to the Chieftainship through me. Once I realized he held the knowledge against me, hoping to humiliate me and thus use his leverage that way. He failed, of course; I will not be used, as I made most clear."

She hesitates very briefly before continuing, some swift shadow crossing her face, but plunges on. "He paid dearly for all his presumptions. I have had little interest in such matters since then. Not because I cared for him, for even at the time I was more moved by curiosity and a sense of being flattered than by any real affection, though it shames me some to admit it. But I learned valuable lessons from the experience. A man may wed where he wills, but a woman will always risk becoming subservient, or being expected to be subservient. So I would not marry, for I will let none rule me, in truth or even only in seeming. And there has been no need for me to marry, nor any temptation, for there have been none who moved me to reconsider. But you--"

Haleth breaks off mid-sentence, stops, looks up at him with her focused, measuring gaze. "You are nothing I could have foreseen. You do not court with sweet promises but with plain speech. You would not seek to take the Haladin's leadership from me, for you have your own duties to tend; you understand my priorities and do not challenge them. You have never treated me as less than an equal, though you could and even I might not gainsay you. You are intelligent and generous and passionate, and you make beautiful things, and I have never met anyone like you. You have disrupted my mind, and I dislike it, for before my path was clear to me and my duty unclouded." She grimaces a little. "I spoke truth yesterday, when I said I did not wish it undone. But things would be much simpler if it were."

(ooc: well so far it seems to be working... XD)

He relaxes a little when she denies it - Haleth is not the sort to sugar coat things - which eliminates the worst possibility. He is still angry, although he is aware enough of his own emotions to know that this is jealousy, that a mere human pup was allowed what he is being denied.

"No woman of the house of Finwe could ever be described as subservient." He notes wryly, for all of the Finwean women are as strong as their brothers and fathers and husbands, even those who married in, in their own ways. Father might have disagreed, but he had never been outwardly rude to any of them saving Indis alone, and that was always a complicated issue.

"But Men do things differently, I am told." He nods in answer to her look. "I would ask no more of you than you can give. And never would I part you from your people. I am sorry that I caused you discomfort."

"I do not think I am sorry," Haleth says simply. "Though I have not yet concluded what I can give. Were I as practical as I have always thought I was, I would simply refuse you, if only to protect my people from the Doom that follows you."

And yet she has not. Which says a good deal about what she wants.

Haleth turns begins walking once more. "I have been trying to determine our options, and the benefits and risks of each. I would know your thoughts."

Sssh he's controlling his temper well at the moment.

"For myself..." he sighs.

"Logically it would be wisest not to involve yourself with me, romantically or otherwise. The Doom was quite specific. And you have your people to consider."

"But..."

He looks away briefly.

"But for myself, selfishly...I would spit in the face of Doom and seize what happiness I can."

"If none were at risk but myself, so would I. But it is not so."

Haleth walks in silence some few minutes more, then nods her head firmly as she settles her choice in her mind. "This is too important a matter to decide so soon, and I am not free to think on it as much as I must. I asked for a season to give my people time to recover, and they deserve all my attention until the wounds of this massacre are more healed."

She does not mean only the physical injuries. All the Haladin lost kin, friends, possessions, everything. The Haladin have been all but destroyed, and there is much to do even to begin their recovery as a people, if recover they will.

"That is my choice." She looks up at Caranthir, now firm. "Give me a season, then seek me out and ask again, if you are of the same mind. By then it will be more clear to me if it is a passing matter or not, and by then I will know better what my Haladin need and what options I have, if any."

Edited 2019-01-25 18:08 (UTC)

He nods, understanding.

"You speak wisdom, and your people are fortunate indeed to have a Chief who truly cares for them. When you are settled, I will leave you to grieve, and to heal, and to build. And then when the winter snows lie deep and the orcs are sleeping, I will come and find you."

She sighs minutely, and a little tension relaxes from her shoulders. "Thank you."

He bows to her.

"You ask for sense to prevail. I am glad to give it."

Haleth nods her head in silent reply, though her smile turns a little ironic. She is not acting sensibly, and she well knows it, as does he. Logic dictates not only that she should avoid getting entangled with Caranthir except as is unavoidable, and take her people to other lands. There are many reasons why that is the best choice, even without taking his Doom into account.

And yet.

Perhaps fortunately, the point is moot for now. Haleth and her people are in no shape to go anywhere far, and their conversation turns back to more practical, easier matters.

The caravan arrives at Amon Ereb in another few days, and Haleth is glad to see it: a broad hill, excellent for defense and offering clear sight of all the land around. There are no forests nearby in easy reach, which is a pity, for her people are most used to living in forests. But they will be safer here in the open for now, the more so as Caranthir and his scouts pay close attention to this area, which overlooks the eastern passage and offers a route to the south.

It would not be a good place for settlement, unless serious fortifications were also built. But it will be a good place for an encampment of a few seasons, to heal and breed livestock, to hunt and trade and recover.

He sees them established, or at least, the beginnings of such, and then returns to his own duties, leaving with only a brief farewell, for neither are the sort to dwell in sentimentalities.

He keeps his word, as well, to stay away - his men are seen, of course, for they patrol this way frequently to keep the Road clear. But Caranthir sends no message, and if he goes past from time to time, he does not bother her.

But when winter sets in, and the snow blocks the roads and the cold keeps all but the most desperate in... the a rider comes into the camp, wrapped in warm furs and asks to be shown to the Chieftain.

As she wished, the subject is not raised again; as she said she would, Haleth from that point concentrates solely on her people. If Caranthir blushes again in her presence, she does not enquire why. If something he does impresses her, she does not comment on it except as a comrade or fellow leader might. They treat each other with respect and part without ceremony, and she does not look after him when he rides away, for she has work to do.

The months are hard. The easy, warm months of summer pass too swiftly, and the fruitful time of autumn is near-feverish with their attempts to prepare for the cold months ahead. Haleth proves herself a capable leader, with shrewd ideas of what will work and what will not, how to make the most of the meagre resources they have. The Haladin heal, and plan.

If a few of them talk among themselves about the strange friendship that had seemed to grow and then cool between their Chieftain and the elf lord, the words do not come to her ears, and the talk dies when there is no sign from or even word of him. Haleth herself is the same as always: calm, practical, trustworthy, resourceful, determined. Her people ask what their future will be, and she tells them only that she is thinking on it, and they must wait and see what strength they have when the long winter ends.

After the healing work of summer and the preperatory work of autumn, winter is a stranger time. They hunt where they can, trap, make small forays away from Amon Ereb to the southern forests or the eastern hills, to return with furs or other things. But mostly they wait, for the days are cold and dark, and the snow deep.

By now Haleth has a tent of her own, though at first she had shared with her sister by marriage and her nephew (for warmth and to conserve resources as much as any other reason). But her people prefer her to live alone, so that any may approach the Chieftain in private if they need, and Haleth herself prefers the solitude. She is used to it, and it gives her space to plan and consider all her options.

On the day a visitor arrives she is sitting in her tent and fletching arrows, her concentration bent to the task. She glances up when the the tent flap opens--it is usually kept untied, that any may approach who have need of her--and raises an eyebrow at the scout who bows to her and then immediately leaves after gesturing for another to enter. The visitor is a bundle of rich furs, far better quality than anything they have managed to trap and keep themselves, but it is the color of the candlelight on that midnight-black hair that she recognizes first, before he lifts his head. She stands and nods her head.

"Lord Caranthir." Her expression and voice are as cool and calm as they were the day they parted.

"My Lady Haleth."

He says gravely, unpinning the cloak and setting down his burden.

"As promised, for a season my folk have patrolled the Road and left your people in peace, and I have not hurried nor harried you and yours, allowing you the time to grieve, and to build for the future. My scouts have brought word that the Haladin prosper, and I am glad."

He pauses and then almost-shyly nudges the parcel towards her.

"I understand that amongst the Beornings, the dark of the year is celebrated with a festival they call Yule. I do not know if your folk celebrate the same, but it came to me to offer a gift all the same, as acknowledgement of your successes."

The oilskin parcel unfolds to fabric, rich and heavy, died in colors to suit Haleth and her people, embroidered in metallic thread in the patterns of the Haladin. A dress, thick and warm for the winter, sleeves neat and close rather than impractically flowing, skirt wide enough to ride or to fight in, not so long as to drag. And a cloak to go with it, the clasp worked in bronze, polished to a high sheen.

He had said he would return during the winter, and she suspected he would keep his word. But she would not have thought less of him for waiting until the roads were more clear, and it astonishes her that he has ventured forth during the darkest time of the year, when the snow is deepest. That astonishment does not show her face, except perhaps in her eyes.

There is no chance for her to comment on it or ask after his haste before he continues. An eyebrow lifts when he mentions Yule--for yes, her people do celebrate it, or have done in the past. There is little to celebrate this year save their survival, and few gifts such as have been given in past years. If he wished to be in time for the date it explains some of his determination to set forth despite hideous weather, and yet...

It still surprises Haleth, enough that she does not speak further as the takes and opens the parcel. She gasps audibly at the contents, her eyes wide with wonder and amazement. Even in the relatively dim light of the tent (even the Chief uses candles sparingly), the fabric shines.

Carefully she reaches out and with one fingertip traces part of a whorl, the contrast very great between the rich, textured cloth and the metallic threads and her own finger, calloused and worn and still dotted with bits of hide glue from her work. The cloth alone must have taken a long time to create, even without taking into account the time needed to embroider patterns with such meticulous care--and how had he learned such patterns? By sight alone?--to say nothing of the care needed to assemble it into clothing. The amount of thought put into this gift, as much as the effort, speaks volumes.

Haleth does not doubt it will fit, and fit perfectly, and she stares at it all for a long time.

"You do me great honor with this," she says quietly in her low voice. Her eyes she is still looking down at the cloth, and her finger trembles just a little. "I have never seen the like."

He smiles a little at that, a quick flash of pleasure at her wonder.

"I thought that the Chief of the Haladin should be adorned fit for her station." He offers.

"I did bring other, more practical cloth. But this is for you."

She glances up, and sees that his smile well suits him. She had forgotten just how much, and she stares at his face for a moment, surprised into fascination at the sight.

Haleth withdraws her hand long enough to reach for a cloth nearby, and methodically cleans her hands with it. Fletching arrows is messy work, and she has no desire to damage this gift, especially not before it has even been worn. "I give you my thanks. We do celebrate Yule, and while this year our ceremony will be minimal, you are welcome to join us for it if you wish. Along with any others of your people who are nearby."

Edited 2019-01-29 15:23 (UTC)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

this wall of text kept going but I figured I should let him have a chance to talk a bit!

Re: this wall of text kept going but I figured I should let him have a chance to talk a bit!

GOOD LUCK with the email trick!!!!

Re: GOOD LUCK with the email trick!!!!

Yay I'm glad, have a late night phone tag. Also she is Leaving Stuff Out.

Re: Yay I'm glad, have a late night phone tag. Also she is Leaving Stuff Out.

yeah he won't like the rest of the story if she ever tells it. Except maybe the bloody retribution.

he would definitely enjoy the bloody retribution

Time skip soon?

Here is good?

Here is good! Have a wall of text. A brief leavetaking or shall we just get on with it?

eh let's get on with it XD

works for me!

\o/

no subject

no subject

no subject