From these Ashes [for uhitwasntme]
Jun. 15th, 2013 07:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
questionablewit posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
faemusedIt's nearly dawn by the time they're all on board, and the tide is turning. No doubt Varric would have something to say about both those lines if Hawke spoke them out loud, which she doesn't. She's said very little since walking out of the Gallows, and what little she's said has been to the purpose, with the purpose being getting the hell out of Kirkwall.
It's Hawke's strength, that she can keep moving even in the face of disaster. Her weakness too, because it's such an easy way to avoid actually having to think about said disasters. She keeps moving forward, keeps doing what needs to be done, and there's always something that needs to be done.
It occurs to her ruefully that she's made a tactical error in that respect by getting on a boat. There's nowhere to move forward to, on a boat. All she'll be able to do is run around in circles on the deck. Maybe someone will teach her how to be a pirate. She needs a new job, now that the Champion thing has exploded.
Even in her own mind, she winces at the word.
She can't think about that yet. She'll have to, she knows, sooner rather than later. He's here. She can't ignore how all this happened.
But not just yet.
It's noisy, on a boat. She'd forgotten that, in the years that have passed since she and her family came to Kirkwall from Ferelden. Chains clanking, sails flapping in the wind, oars splashing and voices, so many voices. That'll be welcome. Maybe if it's all loud enough, it will block out the memory of people calling for their Champion to help, explain what happened, make it better, make it right.
Sorry, Kirkwall. I tried.
Hawke looks back at the city instead of at the rising sun on the horizon. She owes that much to Kirkwall, at least, to watch it for as long as she can as she goes. There's still smoke rising in the air, and Maker only knows how much of the city is still on fire.
It's Hawke's strength, that she can keep moving even in the face of disaster. Her weakness too, because it's such an easy way to avoid actually having to think about said disasters. She keeps moving forward, keeps doing what needs to be done, and there's always something that needs to be done.
It occurs to her ruefully that she's made a tactical error in that respect by getting on a boat. There's nowhere to move forward to, on a boat. All she'll be able to do is run around in circles on the deck. Maybe someone will teach her how to be a pirate. She needs a new job, now that the Champion thing has exploded.
Even in her own mind, she winces at the word.
She can't think about that yet. She'll have to, she knows, sooner rather than later. He's here. She can't ignore how all this happened.
But not just yet.
It's noisy, on a boat. She'd forgotten that, in the years that have passed since she and her family came to Kirkwall from Ferelden. Chains clanking, sails flapping in the wind, oars splashing and voices, so many voices. That'll be welcome. Maybe if it's all loud enough, it will block out the memory of people calling for their Champion to help, explain what happened, make it better, make it right.
Sorry, Kirkwall. I tried.
Hawke looks back at the city instead of at the rising sun on the horizon. She owes that much to Kirkwall, at least, to watch it for as long as she can as she goes. There's still smoke rising in the air, and Maker only knows how much of the city is still on fire.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-27 11:21 pm (UTC)"Give me an answer to this, then. You were clearly planning your own death." It amazed her how easy that was to say, just words, just another fact. Planning to pick up some bread on the way home, planning to stop by the Hanged Man and talk to Varric, planning to be martyred for the mages. Sorry, love, I won't be home tonight as I intend to be dead, hope that's not too inconvenient...
"Was it just part of the price you had to pay, or was it what you wanted?" She drew in a long, ragged breath. "Is it what you want now? Maker blight it, Anders, you sat there on that damned box waiting for me to stab you in the back! Did you plan that?"
no subject
Date: 2013-10-28 12:27 am (UTC)He supposed he could soliloquy about having been running all his life and that he wanted some time to rest and relax, but it would feel forced and unneeded. Hawke didn't need to listen to his sob story- like it would change anything.
So what was it that made him plan his own death? After completing the destruction, he'd felt tired, and sitting on the box was his best savior. Plus, looking at Hawke was... Difficult. To see the hurt and betrayal in her eyes had been excruciating. In that moment, he had felt bitterness towards his own actions, but still couldn't shake the feeling that it was a needed step. Things had been thrust to the boiling point with Meredith's insanity.
"I want what I've always wanted." Freedom. No tall stone towers, no lashes, no solitary confinement, no getting rid of his cat..
"I don't want to die, but if that's what's necessary, then I will face it." He thought back to Rolan again, annoyed that the Templar invaded his thoughts. The feeling of Rolan's blade ripping through his chest and being tickled by the notion of someone trying to kill him. Now.. Now he did not fear it but he could not laugh at it... Then again, dying... That would release Vengeance without Anders to keep him in check; though that might not be any difference given his most recent actions.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-28 12:37 pm (UTC)"If you really will do as I need you to do, then," she said finally, "what I need is for you to stay alive. To see the damage you caused and everything that will follow. To not run away from that knowledge." She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "But also to heal what you can, where you can. That would be a better justice."
no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 08:37 am (UTC)But he respected her for it, and he did now more than he ever had. That wasn't to say he understood why, but he had no right to question her at this point. He wondered just what the others would think of her decision- though given how they usually responded, they would accept it but dislike it all the same. As for right now, he nodded to her solemnly.
"Then that is what I will do to the best of my ability." Justice didn't seem to mind that, but there was still that hint of contempt. No matter what the spirit felt, Anders would follow Hawke to the ends of Fereldan and back; past Thedas if she wished- if she would have him, of course.
no subject
Date: 2013-10-29 11:52 pm (UTC)Well, he could, and would, and so would she. Together or apart, half the continent would be after both of them. But tht was a different sort of running. She wondered if there'd ever be a time when they'd be able to stop running--in that new world Anders was so sure would result from all the destruction he'd caused, maybe. She doubted it. Even if he was right and it came to pass, she couldn't imagine it happening in their lifetimes. She couldn't imagine it at all, just now. There was too much reality in the way.
"Good," was all she said. The sun was well up by now, and bright. She rubbed her forehead. Maybe there was a spare berth somewhere, since all the sailors were up and about. It felt like a thousand years since she'd slept.