faemused | Open To Anyone For Anything RP Post 2

Haleth, in contrast, has always been calm about Canien's appearance and existence. Impossible or not, it is a fact; she had only to decide what to do about it. And that, in the end, was not difficult.

Much more difficult to decide how Canien's existence changes her relationship--or lack of it--with Caranthir. If it does.

"They do," Haleth agrees, her voice quiet. "But Canien escaped those fates. That much she has told me." She closes her eyes briefly. "There are many things about her life I have refused knowledge of, for they are not mine to know. But that, I did ask. The Doom of the Valar perhaps weighs on her as it does on all the Firstborn, but the Oath at least did not ensnare her."

Haleth is nearly unflappable; her temper is hard to rouse outside of battle, and she can face tempests without upset. But there is relief underlying her words, and to one who knows her there will be something else obvious: she loves this impossible daughter. There are very few whom Haleth loves, by any measure, but Canien is among them.

He sags, visibly relieved.

"That is good." He breathes, throwing a hand over his eyes. "That is very, very good."

Of all the arguments Haleth gave, that one was the cruelest, for it was the truest, as well, that Oath and Doom followed hard at his heels, and to bind to him would be to bring It's attention to those he most loved, and it was that argument that has kept him away.

The way he sags tugs at her heart, and she feels the pangs of guilt. "The cruelest thing I did was to use your fear of the Void against you," Haleth says, her voice even more quiet than it was. "I am sorry. I should not have done it."

"It was only cruel because it is true." He says and scrubs at his eyes before letting the arm fall.

"It is still true, Haleth."

Haleth forces herself to meet his gaze, even though his reddened eyes make her ache. "That you fear the Void--or that you fear I and mine would be pulled to it, by your Oath?"

"Both." He admits hoarsely.

"Haleth, the noose grows ever tighter, I can see it in my brothers, and doubtless they can see it in me. Sooner or later, we are going to lose."

Haleth looks pained; she likes the fact of his Doom as little as he likes the fact of her mortality. "But if Canien speaks truly, she escapes that fate, when the time for it closes around you," she says finally. "As do I and all the other Haladin."

They have been sitting several feet apart, but now Haleth stands and moves closer, kneels on her haunches next to him. Slowly, giving him plenty of time to rebuff her if he chooses, she reaches for his hand, the one he used to cover his eyes. "I do not know if you ever realized that when I drove you away, there was one argument I did not make."

The one that above all others would have ended the matter: she has never said she does not love him. It would have been by far the easiest way, and it would have been a lie.

"That is a blessing unlooked for." He says quietly, and looks back at her, allowing her to take his hand.

"Was there?" He says quietly, still angry enough to want her to say it.

Haleth exhales a short, sharp breath. Her eyes drop, and a rueful smile flits across her face. She deserved that rebuke. She knows it. She kneels there looking at their joined hands for a moment longer. She should not have spoken this far--she had not intended to--but his obvious fear and grief of his future could not be ignored.

"I do love you," she says finally. "I always did. I do not know if that will bring you any comfort, after all this time."

He sucks in a sharp breath, and the hand in hers trembles.

"It does." He says hoarsely.

She does not look up at his face. That measure of privacy, at least, he has. And besides, she hardly needs to; she can feel how his fingers tremble in hers. "Good." It is barely a whisper.

There is another pause before, with a sigh, she releases his hand and stands, walking back to her previous seat. "Canien intends to ride to see you whether you wished it or no, in truth," she says, and her voice is almost steady. Almost. "But agreed to let me meet with you first and give warning." She looks at him very briefly, and back again almost at once. "It is a strange thing to meet with one who knows you so well while you know them not at all. But I have found much in Canien to make me proud, and think you will also."

He makes a sound as she pulls away, almost of pain, fingers reaching for her before he stops himself.

"............Are you sure it is safe?"

She looks faintly conflicted at that sound, and her hand closes in on itself. "I am sure she will do it whether it is safe or no, for she has all your stubborness and mine both," she says. "But I also think I have rarely met anyone so well able to care for herself. You need not fear for her safety."

He manages a smile, at that.

"I would expect no less, for any child born of you and I."

But it hurts, to think of what might have been, what they might have had, even if only for a season.

His smile is pained and tremulous. Haleth looks more conflicted yet. "I may have erred, in coming here," she says, meeting his eyes. "It was not my intention to wound you further."

"No!" He shakes his head.

"I... I needed to know this. To know, that somehow, some light remains. I will go easier to my own doom, this way."

Haleth does not look convinced, and her eyes are grave. She hesitates again, about to say something, then stops.

"Meet with our daughter," she says after a moment. "I think you will find much that shines, within her."

He runs a hand down his face and sighs again before nodding, trying to pull himself together again.

"If you think it safe, I will. Is she here?"

Haleth shakes her head slowly. "No. I thought--it seemed to me better if we met alone."

So she could apologize. A decision she now greatly doubts the wisdom of. Always she seems to misjudge, with Caranthir.

Haleth rubs her forehead and sighs quietly. "Are you concerned she would be in danger from the Enemy, or from being near you?"

He breathes deep and nods.

"Both. But more the second. Haleth... I know I seem quite normal to you, but these... times are getting shorter and shorter, and my temper ever more uncertain. I will meet her, if you think I should. But I will not stay. And she should stay with you."

"I have never feared your anger." The words are soft but sure. Caranthir would tear himself into pieces with his own hands before he would hurt someone he loved, Oath or no Oath. Haleth has always known it. And beyond that, what is there to fear? "I am certain she does not either. But Canien will do as she wills. If she chooses to stay with you, I think you will have little luck dissuading her."

Her head hurts. Her heart hurts. Haleth closes her eyes again. "But I will tell her. She should only be a few days behind me, if that; she travels more quickly than I. Would you rather meet her with me present, or would you prefer I go?"

Finally, a wry smile. "You are one of the few."

He shakes his head.

"Stay. If this is the last time, let it be a good time."

Haleth laughs, though there is little humor in it. "Do you count this a good meeting?"

"You're here." He manages a smile. "And you've brought me news of a daughter I never thought was possible. Considering the alternatives, certainly it's a better meeting than I might have hoped for."

Haleth looks at him measuringly for a long time.

"I am surprised," she says finally, "that you consider my being here a good thing, given the various ways in which I have hurt you. Both intentionally and otherwise."

She did her best to turn his love for her into hate, last time they met, using all his deepest fears and weaknesses to wound him; it was the only thing she could think of that might free him from loving her. She is a little surprised he has met with her at all, given that.

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yes I'm prioritizing this one above all other threads so what

XD XD XD

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