faemused | Open To Anyone For Anything RP Post 2

It hurts her also, and for once it shows. She does not flinch from his curse or his moment of violence, but her eyes are closed and her head bowed. When his grip tightens on hers, she holds all the harder.

She has been as angry and grieved with herself even as he now is. But there is nothing she can say.

Edited 2019-08-07 10:22 (UTC)

He has to take a few long moments to master his temper - Haleth is not Celegorm, who would scuffle with him until he feels less upset - and he has no wish to last out at her.

"Fuck." He says again heavily eventually, and sighs.

"I... damnit. I don't know what to say, Haleth."

"What can be said?" For once she sounds bitter, even grim. "My judgement proved to be in every way wrong. She is proof that you would have more than justified any faith I placed in you, but I gave you none, nor myself. Perhaps it was naught but cowardice on my part, for all that I convinced myself it was prudence." She laughs, but the sound is dark. "I wonder that you will even speak to me after such insult. Surely none in all the world has earned your ire so much as I."

"Not entirely." He sounds tired as he turns back to her. "You had every reason to expect the worse - that she is evidence that sometimes the worse doesn't have to come to pass is no reason to throw out the existing evidence. Besides. You told me at the beginning that you were barren - she's clearly from a world where you are not, so who knows what else is different."

He shakes his head. "My parents fought until they drove each other apart, despite being desperately in love. I won't make that mistake."

She smiles a little, sad but fond. "Still the same, logical Caranthir." She loves that about him as much as he loves how practical she is, and had no expectation of it changing, nor any wish for it. His innate honesty will not let him overlook reason, even if that reason is turned against him. It is one of the first things they found they had in common, and one of the first things that attracted her to him.

She looks down at their hands, still fiercely joined together, neither of them having slacked their grip so much as a whit. She has not wished to hope, much less to assume, but..."What would you have, then?" she asks softly. "At this point where we have found ourselves, how would you progress? You have said I am forgiven; I had not even looked for that much generosity, nor given it to myself."

Haleth looks up at him, searching, not her usual direct calmness but something almost vulnerable. "I asked you earlier and you said it did not matter, but tell me now: do you still wish for what you wished then, despite all that has changed?"

Edited 2019-08-09 11:13 (UTC)

He tightens his grip and sighs.

"I am... stubborn." He says slowly. "And reluctant to give up my dreams. If you wish to try, Haleth, I am willing."

If either of them tightens their grip further they will cut off their circulation. This does not deter Haleth.

With her free hand she reaches out and touches his face lightly, the barest hint of a caress. "I too am stubborn," she says, "but can admit when I have been wrong. Even before Canien's coming, I knew how I missed you. I have told myself again and again we were better remaining apart, in our different lives. But we are not. Or I am not."

There is a wistfulness in her eyes now, an open longing. "I have tried to make the Haladin my only priority, and they must remain the first--but I would make space for you as well, if you will allow it."

He looks at her with painful, naked hope.

"Truly? You would allow that?"

"I would." She still looks uncertain, as Haleth almost never is--not unsure of her words, but of his answer, despite the expression he wears. There has been so much hurt between them. "If you would let me. If you can forgive all the harm I did you."

Slowly, he lifts their joined hands to kiss her knuckles, allowing her time to tell him to cease.

"I would. I forgave you long ago, although I might struggle to forget, and will need to ask your forgiveness for the same on my part."

"I forgave your words before they were ever spoken." She moves closer, getting to her knees in front of him and placing a hand on his face, her eyes locked on where their joined fingers still rest against his mouth. "And you will forget long before I forgive myself for hurting you as I did. I will face all the anger you have without fear, so long as we are together for it."

Slowly, very slowly, watching her the whole time, he turns their hands, and this time, he kisses her palms, softly - and entirely inappropriate for someone just being friendly.

"I would like that." He says softly. "Can we begin something new, then?"

"I would like that," she says in a near-whisper. Her palms tremble a little when his lips touch them. "A new beginning."

Haleth takes a breath, then cradles his face in both hands. Slowly, giving him the same time he granted her to protest, should he wish it, she leans forward and kisses him.

His lips are hesitant, against hers, and then it is as if the dam breaks and he drags her into his arms, kissing her desperately.

"Haleth, oh Haleth, I missed thee. I am so sorry."

If she gasps when he suddenly grabs and pulls her into a tight embrace, when their mouths crash against each other, it is soon forgotten in a tangle of like behavior. She keeps her hands framing his face, then buries them in his hair, returning every kiss as fervently. They have never held each other thus. They have never held each other at all. "Caranthir, Caranthir--" She almost sobs into his mouth, shaken by relief more than she is ever shaken by any fear or anger. "I missed thee. I am so sorry."

There's no passion - or at least, nothing sexual. Only the gasping desperation of being able to hold what has been so long been denied.

The intensity has nothing to do with arousal, but everything to do with fulfillment. Here, finally here, in the place she has wanted so much and had denied herself, with her arms around Caranthir and his around her. Here where she can press him close, hear him breathe. She kisses him again and again, his mouth and face, eyelids, forehead.

After that initial storm has passed she still holds him, as tightly as she may, his face buried in the crook of her neck and hers in his hair. Nothing more is needed, for Haleth.

They are both weeping, as much of frustration as relief, and as the storm fades he holds her and just... breathes.

"I forgive thee. I missed thee, I love thee."

A dam broken indeed; Haleth's face is wet with both their tears, and her desperate kisses and caresses were as much grief as anything else. They are both quieter now, but she still holds him as though he might disappear. "I am sorry." There is no counting how many times she has said it now. "I love you. I always loved you. I am sorry."

He kisses her softly, still clinging close.

"Forgive me for not pursuing."

"No." She rests her forehead against his, feels his breath on her face. "No, that would not have answered. I would only have been more stubborn, however I missed you and wished for you. Perhaps Canien was brought here on purpose indeed, to show me my error and the possibilities I had set aside. Perhaps we needed some intervention." She kisses him again. "Whatever the reason, I am glad of it, as much for this as because I now know her."

"To show us both." He corrects, leaning against her and trying just to breathe without sobbing.

"I will forever be grateful to her for this moment."

His face is still wet with tears, and she kisses the salt on his cheek, kisses his eyes, strokes his hair. It was rare that they touched before, but now that permission has been granted on both sides it seems neither can have enough. There is much more that needs to be said, years' worth, but for now she holds him once more in silence, caressing him until his breathing settles.

His cheeks are blotchy and red, but hers are probably not that much better, as he curls against her and kisses her hands in gratitude and love, tending to both palms and wrists.

Caranthir Red-faced for a new reason, she thinks, watching as he bestows gentle kisses on her hands, fingers, palms, wrists. In other circumstances it would be erotic. Right now it feels like either prayer or benediction, or both. Haleth leans her head against his, closing her eyes as his breath caresses her hands.

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I meant lash

honestly I read it as lash, hadn't even noticed

<3

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